“When we replace a sense of service and gratitude with a sense of entitlement and expectation, we quickly see the demise of our relationships, society, and economy.”
~ Steve Maraboli ~
What is a 'sense of entitlement'?
An entitlement is the right to a particular privilege or benefit, granted by law or custom. However in a more critical sense, usually when one has a sense of entitlement, that means that person believes he/she deserves certain privileges and they are usually very arrogant about it. On a much broader context the term "culture of entitlement" suggests that many people now have highly unreasonable expectations about what they are entitled to.
When I was growing up perhaps the first time I felt entitled to anything was the time I became part of a group. As kids we tend to like what other kids have usually something that we may have come across for the first time, in such situations one tended to either take that item by force not because we understood we were being selfish but because we wanted to have more time with it to ourselves. It would only be through the wise intervention of older individuals that one would then be taught the importance of sharing, asking and borrowing. However this was not always the case with every child, depending on each child's family backgrounds in terms of wealth other kids would go home and demand their parents buy them that item or where parent's realise the conflict being caused by the item they would take it upon themselves to buy the item for their child and to those less fortunate they would find themselves stealing all because of that sense of entitlement that they also deserved what others had.
As we grow older our sense of entitlement also increases. We begin to exhibit certain emotions like anger, impatience, cynicism, resentment, criticism, ingratitude and disappointment.
Our generation is living in an information age where so much is shared across the internet. We are in essence an angry generation. In our social interactions it only takes so little to spark road rage, most youth are easily influenced to taking part in various forms of violence, and all sorts of other forms of aggression. If we look at the levels of unemployment of youth out there we will understand why they are angry today, perhaps for many other reasons, not the least of which is that sense of entitlement. Think about it: if we are taught we will get a job after finishing school we'll naturally feel entitled to a job after school, and if we don’t get one, we become angry and frustrated.
They say patience is a virtue, is it? Anyone notice how we have become an impatient generation, how we expect things quickly (perhaps influenced by a celebrity culture)… and entitlement only compounds the issue. When we feel entitled to something, we tend to be less patient with people and have that drive to get what we want—now—because we feel we equally deserve it. Our reaction is we become demanding of others and abrupt in our interactions with them.
Our sense of entitlement is often followed by mild forms of cynicism(mistrust of people's motives). This boils down to not getting what we think we deserve, which in turn can create a negative, jaded attitude in us. This is probably more common with adolescents who have always been a bit cynical. Part of it is being aware of what’s available and realising they don’t have it all is what fosters cynicism.
One other example is in political environments where freedom and justice are not enforced by law. When we are conscious of something out there that we don’t own but feel we deserve, it can cause severe resentment [lack of patriotism]. This destructive attitude can fuel hatred in any group of people and lead to negative behaviors as well. Instead of focusing on the few positives, we can become bitter and retrogressive.
There's no doubting we have a good number of disgruntled citizens who feel entitled to better forms of government, but have not got it up to now, most tend to embrace a “sour grapes” posture and are rejecting almost everything that the government tries to offer as solutions. I'm sure we have all at some point noted how some can criticize those who benefited from the system as a coping mechanism.
On a much broader context, gratitude and entitlement are polar-opposite emotions. When we are grateful, we feel that sense of appreciation when get what we want badly but remain aware of what it felt like without it. However, when we feel entitled and don’t get it, all we feel is ungrateful. Once again, we feel we deserve something we are forced to live without.
When I began my working career in government I worked hard and expected to be promoted based on my consistent effort. Somehow I felt I was entitled to get promoted after having done well in most aspects of my role but sadly failed to get it because of fast tracking process that favoured a certain group of individuals with war credentials that was put in place by government. I think from that moment onwards I began to experience what one could call chronic disappointment. I was sad and despondent over the perks I was going to miss out on and became depressed until I left my job.
Back to our politics and social structures. Most individuals when they excel academically and socially they also develop that strong sense of entitlement in terms of being given respect by family and society for their accomplishments, perhaps the top down approach in developing most institutional frameworks is also largely influenced by that sense of entitlement besides the 'fact' that academics and technocrats are generally more informed about process and policy areas.
On a cultural aspect I am sure we have all come across individuals who attempt to justify their leadership abilities based on their traditional bloodlines like is the case with the South African Royal family and Swazi King and even the British Royal Family. We also tend to hear justifications based on family history, like the Goven Mbeki and Thabo Mbeki, Jomo Kenyatta and Uhuru Kenyatta and even the Kennedy's in the USA and the Bush family. These are all driven in one way or another by a sense of entitlement or perhaps is it just a case of inheritance where popularity and sometimes wealth determines the political success stories of future generations? We even have the revolutionary party references used as an justifications to entitlements to govern countries, so how do we kill this culture of entitlement without being rigid about individual abilities and capabilities?
I am grateful.
I am hopeful and optimistic.
I can delay gratification.
I am at peace because I see the big picture.
We owe it to the emerging generation to escort them out of this destructive attitude. A sense of entitlement is an enemy of happiness and healthy thinking.
